Indian weddings

Recently, I attended two weddings in quick succession: a Christian wedding of my colleague in Singapore and an Indian (Hindu) wedding in my family in India. And I couldn't help marvel at how different an Indian wedding is in form, while being more or less the same in essence.

A full-blown traditional Indian wedding is one of those unique not-to-be-missed experiences of life. Most Indian people would say it is a huge drain on the wallet and a pain in the neck, but that does not seem to stop them from reliving the experience over and over again, both in real life and in reel life in Bollywood movies and numerous TV series! Weddings are big globally, but an Indian wedding is truly the mother of all weddings!

Firstly, it is much longer. The preparatory rituals can last for as long as you want them to. One month is not unheard of, but a few days of pre-wedding rituals are quite common. Every little process step (like the bride's skin care ritual on the left) and every little meeting within and between the families can be blown up into a massive ceremony, complete with lights, music, elaborate feasts and colorful decorations.

There is a reason for that (I think) and that relates to the second unique feature of an Indian wedding. Unlike Western weddings which are mainly about the two people getting married (and especially the bride), an Indian wedding is at least as much about the families. Marriage in India creates strong familial ties beyond the immediate couple, and the high degree of family involvement in the wedding reflects that. "One could cut out this entire loop and just get married in a court, but our families would be so disappointed; we do this for the family", remarked a sleepless relative on the third day of the wedding I attended recently.

For the family members just attending the event though, this is great. Indeed, as you can see in the picture on the left, my little son (fooling around in the bottom right corner of the pic) and I had a great family reunion under the aegis of the wedding! What else could bring together my family members from many countries around the world and across cities in India under one roof? 

Third, the mood of an Indian wedding is very different. Compared to a church wedding which is a relatively solemn, decorum bound occasion, an Indian wedding is very festive - celebratory, very colorful and noisy. All the women wear henna and are decked with beautiful, bright sarees and heavy gold jewelry on key occasions, the men wear colorful turbans and even the bride's dress is pink or blood red, not pristine white. In fact, it is considered inauspicious to wear white to an Indian wedding, as white dresses were traditionally worn by widows! An Indian wedding is a celebration of love and of life itself, and so it is colorful, bright, musical and vibrant in its mood. 

Fourth and last, the ceremony on the big day itself is very different. The groom shows up at the venue in a massive procession with lights, music and dancing and is usually mounted on a horse or even on an elephant!

At the gate of the venue, there is an elaborate welcoming ritual, where key family members from the bride's side welcome the corresponding members of the groom's family in strict protocol. This is followed by the garlanding ritual, where the bride and the groom officially greet each other with garlands and then ascend two throne-like seats on a raised platform. A steady stream of a few hundred guests then enters from one side of this platform, congratulates and gifts the couple and exits on the other side after the mandatory photo. This can last for hours and takes a heavy toll on the couple, who have to rise and deeply bow each time and smile all the time (I still remember my "cheek-ache" from this exercise).

Witnessing the actual wedding vows is usually limited to close family members, perhaps because this happens so late in the night and continues almost into the next morning. The mantras are read out in Sanskrit (language of Gods) and then translated in Hindi for us humans to understand. Most of the ceremony involves tossing an assortment of goodies into the holy fire. Some of the tossing is done by the parents and the siblings of the couple, too.

Finally, it is time for the iconic moment, the tying of the knot and going around the sacred fire not once, but seven times, to signify the seven vows and the creation of a - hold your breath - a seven-lifetime long relationship. My uncle witnessing the recent wedding remarked, "Well, who is to say this one is not the seventh lifetime already"? It certainly felt like we'd been there a long, long time.

Indian weddings: exhilarating, exhausting, extravagant, expensive, exuberant and exotic! For a potential groom, also a really long-drawn and tiring experience. But then if the bride looks like that, heck, go for it!